REFLECTIONS | GRAEME MCIVOR
Title
What Graeme McIvor Taught Me About Speaking Up After Loss
The Story
Graeme shares a deeply personal story of losing his son, Peter, to suicide. From a happy, outgoing young man to a gradual and often hidden decline, Graeme reflects on the signs, the moments missed, and the struggle of trying to get help in a system that didn’t recognise the signs.
He speaks openly about grief, guilt, and acceptance, and how finding community through the Infant Hercules Mens Choir helped him begin to rebuild his life. Now, Graeme is using his voice to break the silence around suicide, encouraging people to talk, seek help, and support one another.
Opening
This was always going to be a difficult conversation. Speaking to a parent about losing a child is something I approach with only one thing, to be transparent and ask questions. I wanted to understand not just what happened, but how Graeme accepted something like that.
What Stayed With Me
From the outside, everything can seem fine, but underneath, something very different is going on. It makes you question how much we really see in the people around us.
The Bigger Reflection
Suicide is never obvious. It seems to be quiet, gradual, and built up over time. Graeme’s story highlights how important it is to talk, to check in, and to take things seriously even when they don’t seem urgent. The system doesn’t always catch it, and even people close to that person can’t stop it. They can only try.
A Line I Won’t Forget
“Even if we stop one person doing it.”
What is the solution? I don’t think there is. All we can do is have community led spaces for people to go and help people through the difficult times in their lives.
Closing Thought
Graeme has taken an unimaginable situation that most parents fear, and chosen to use it to help others. There’s no easy way through something like this, but finding community and purpose has given him a way forward. His story is a reminder that talking matters and sometimes, it can make all the difference. If not for the lost, but the people who are left behind.
